Living in Ajijic

Becoming a Karaoke Singer

I stood in front of the computer screen with a microphone in my hand.

It was Tuesday night – karaoke night – at Mama’s Bar. The hour was late, I had had a few too many glasses of wine, and the place was almost empty. About a dozen friends sat at the table I had just left, waiting in anticipation for my karaoke debut. I had never sung in public before.  With so few people present, it felt safe. I stood there detached from myself and anaesthetized from fear.

Chris, the “karaoke DJ,” looked at me. His eyes were looking for acknowledgment to one of two questions: “Are you ready?” Or possibly, “Are you sure you want to do this?” I nodded in the affirmative.

The song I had chosen was “Fields of Gold” by Sting. The fifteen second introduction seemed to last forever. The dots at the top of the screen started their countdown. The first four lines of the song appeared on the next screen. I opened my mouth and took a deep breath…

And so began my new past-time as a karaoke singer at the age of 70.

Some people retire to Lake Chapala in central Mexico with plans to pursue a long put-off dream or continue, in earnest, a passion developed in their former life. It might be painting, writing, tennis, golf, bridge, or any number of pastimes.

Others, like me, are traveling through their retirement as a voyage of discovery and a chance to redefine themselves. Taking this path usually means trying a lot of new things, or just doing whatever you want. Since turning 70, I’ve walked the Camino de Santiago and flown in an ultra-lite for the first time. A song, “Live Like You Were Dying,” sung by country singer Tim McGraw, expresses my attitude perfectly…

…”Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying

Like tomorrow was a gift
And you’ve got eternity
To think about
What you’d do with it?
What could you do with it?
What did I do with it?
What would I do with it?”

Believe me, when I started my retirement journey, singing and singing karaoke weren’t in my plans.

My first real exposure to karaoke was at a Japanese restaurant in Massachusetts. On Thursday nights, 20 and 30 somethings would drink themselves silly, and compete to see who could butcher their chosen song the most. It was pretty pathetic.

Karaoke at Lake Chapala has been elevated to a more mature level. On any Tuesday or Friday night, Mama’s Bar entertains an eclectic clientele. Sure, there are singers worthy of the Gong Show. But there are a number of very good singers who, in their younger days, sang in bands, performed on stage, and in church choirs. And then there are those of us whose musical talents entertained the walls of a shower stall, or “sing-alongs” with the car radio. We’ve discovered that we love to sing, and karaoke lets us explore our fantasies. For several minutes, we can vicariously be a rock, Broadway, or country and western star.

When I moved down the street from Mama’s a few years ago, I started going to karaoke on Friday nights. I observed the happenings for almost two years. I sat at the bar or at a table with friends and sang to myself. The noise level was high enough that no one heard.

Secretly, I knew I could sing. But, I just needed to overcome my inhibitions.

Before I ever contemplated singing in public, I sang along with Youtube videos. Without Youtube, I don’t know where I would have found such a broad spectrum of musical genres and styles. Karaoke introduced me to country and western, a genre I had previously scorned. Kenny Chesney, George Straight, Merle Haggard, and Allen Jackson became parts of my repertoire, as well as Michael Buble, R.E.M., Radiohead, Meatloaf, and Queen.

Before karaoke, my problem was that many of the songs I wanted to sing were in the wrong key, and I had to restrain my voice when singing in my living room lest my neighbors complain. So, it was liberating to have the words in front of me, microphone in-hand, and Chris, the DJ, magically adjusting a song’s key to my voice. I could open my mouth; sing from my diaphragm; and belt out a song with the best of them.

Lo and behold, I discovered, as did the people who had known me for years, that I could sing…pretty darned well.

When I first visited Lake Chapala, I asked an expat resident of 15 years, “What do you do here?” He replied, deadpan, “Whatever I want.” And sometimes that means just having a beer, as so many expats are known to do. One day I happened on a fun song by Kenny Chesney. He appropriately captured that retired expat attitude in a song called, “Beer in Mexico,” part of which goes like this:

“…Too old to be wild and free still
Too young to be over the hill
Should I try to grow up?
But who knows where to start.

So I just
Sit right here and have another beer in Mexico.
Do my best to waste another day.
Sit right here and have another beer in Mexico.
Let the warm air melt these blues away…”

And, I’ll just sing a little karaoke once in awhile too.

Party in the Streets

Wow! Last night there was a party in Ajijic. It’s a party that happens once a year celebrating the town’s patron saint, San Andres. Raul, a waiter in a restaurant, asked me if I was going. I wasn’t planning on it, but on his suggestion, I wandered on up to the plaza to check it out.



The plaza was alive, teaming with people. Vendors, I had never seen before set up shop around the plaza. Almost every kind of Mexican snack food was available hot dogs hamburgers, tacos, tamales, peanuts, garbanzos, cut up fruits and cooked vegetable, cookies, cakes, ice cream, beer, soda, tequila.

The noise was deafening. Amusement rides blocked Calle Colon, and loud speakers boomed carnival music. Bands played on a big stage and on every corner, as well as in the restaurants –  mariachis, bandas, and even folk musicians. After I left, I know there would be firecrackers in the church courtyard. No Mexican fiesta would be complete without them!

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Moms and dads held their children’s hands, carried babies, and pushed strollers. Lovers also held hands and danced to the music. The restaurants and food stands were full, and hundred just sat and walked around socializing.

When I first arrived in Ajijic two years ago, I lived within walking distance of the plaza. I attended my first San Andres and wrote about it here. Although I couldn’t capture the sound, which is half the experience of being there, I took a few photos to share.

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Counting Nickels, Dimes, and Library Fines


Every organization has them. No bureaucrat ever lost their job for obeying the rules…no matter how absurd or stupid. Rules exist so bureaucrats and other petty functionaries never have to make a decision that could cost them their job.

Most bureaucrats don’t need to think. Everything they need to do their job is buried somewhere in a law or regulation.

So what happens to your average bureaucrat when you ask them to…GASP…think?

In most circumstances, it’s not very pretty.

Think about the U.S. and what a mess it’s in. The largest growing segment of the U.S. economy for the last 8+ years has been government. That means the U.S. has been hiring more bureaucrats than at any time in its history. In that same time, it’s promulgated 10s of thousands of new arcane regulations.

In addition, for the last 40+ years, the country has invested trillions of dollars in its education system to teach people “critical thinking” skills. More and more, these graduates with supposed “critical thinking” skills are winding up employed as bureaucrats where thinking is not required. Does anyone see a problem here?

But I digress too much.

Several absurd events happened in the past several weeks that have pointed out the silliness of some rules and not thinking through whether the consequences of them achieve the desired result. This absurdity didn’t happen at the hands of a government or corporate bureaucracy. Rather, by the rules and actions of a small local organization here at Lakeside that many hold near and dear to their hearts – The Lake Chapala Society (LCS).

Don’t get me wrong here. I’m a card-carrying member (which you must carry to participate in some of its programs). In fact, LCS membership is so guarded that, to get a membership directory, you need to be cross-referenced in two computer systems which don’t talk to each other (in 2016!), and sign over a portion of the inheritance you planned to give to your children.

That said, in jest of course, I gladly pay my dues and member discounted fees to participate in LCS activities.

So what brought me to the point of trashing a fine organization that makes a positive contribution to the community, and helps Mexicans and expats alike?


Today I went to LCS to purchase a ticket for an event at the member-discounted price of 100 pesos (about $US5.00). That seemed like an easy enough thing to do.

After filling out the requisite and redundant paperwork, I handed the lovely woman, in her eighties, behind the desk, 100 pesos for my ticket, and my “never-leave-home-without-it” LCS membership card. She took my card, and accessed the computer screen in front of her to see if I was “legal.”

“You owe us money,” she said blankly, never taking her eyes off the screen.

“What’s it for, and how much is it?” I asked her.

Calling to a man at another computer on the other side of the room, and obviously on another computer system, she asked, “Can you find out how much this man owes?”

“He owes 4 pesos for overdue books,” came the retort.

Looking up at me she said, “You’ll have to pay that fine before I can give you a ticket.”

I smiled in incredulity and asked, “Can I pay you?”

“Oh no,” she said, “you need to pay at the library.”

I was still smiling and took in the absurdity of the situation. She was only a good little bureaucrat and doing her job. She wasn’t trained to tell me to make sure I pay my fine the next time I take out a book. Even the library in my old home town didn’t start enforcing fines until you owed $US5.00.

After visiting the library where they salivated over my 4 pesos, I returned to get my ticket, spirits intact and smiling all the way.

So, take this in: I want to give LCS 100 pesos and they won’t take it until I pay a 4 peso fine. Did it ever occur to the powers-that-be at LCS that I could have just as well said F-U and walked out with 104 pesos still in my pocket and not theirs.

I’m an LCS member, and I needed to jump through hoops to get a 50 peso discount. It took 10 minutes, and the people behind me were probably getting annoyed. I needed to fill out a paper form, have my name cross-referenced in two databases, walk to the adjoining building to pay a fine, and get back on line to be cross-referenced again.

It was almost as bad a going to the Registry of Motor Vehicles!

If I were a non member, I could have walked in, paid 150 pesos, gotten a ticket, and walked out – no questions asked. It’s a good thing I wasn’t renewing my membership at the same time. I could have spent the whole day there.

But Mexico has co-opted me to be patient with all kinds of bullshit. I just don’t expect this kind of BS from an organization that’s run, for the most part, by North Americans, and many of whom are well-aware of the changes in technology that have taken place in the last few decades.

Directories and library fines, however, aren’t the only things at LCS that keep me shaking my head. It seems that every week they devise some new silliness to confound members and stick it to non-members.

I recently went to a singles function at LCS. In their wisdom, they decided to charge non-members 20 pesos to attend. I suppose the idea was to demonstrate the benefits of having a membership: you get in free!

However, once you got in, drinks were 2-for-1. So, for 20 pesos, you could get a free drink that costed 30-50 pesos depending on your preference. Now 20 pesos (about $US1.25) isn’t going to break anyone. But it’s not going to give anyone an incentive to join the organization either.

I suggested that instead of charging an entrance fee, they only allow members to get the 2-for-1 special. I know a lot of non-members who might be enticed to join with the promise of a free drink at every LCS event.

Then there’s the silliness of the Open Games group that meets on Monday afternoon from 1-4. It’s closed to non-LCS members from 1-2. What secret things happen between 1 and 2? I know many people that participate in that group, and I’m sure that no one is checking IDs at the door. So why exclude anyone?

Then there are computer classes that require Internet access. I took one to learn how to use my new Android tablet (BTW only open to LCS members). LCS’s computer systems and Internet capabilities are so antiquated that everyone in the class couldn’t get Internet access, including the teacher, who happens to be on the Board of Directors, at one point.

This brings me to the point that the computer system there never seems to improve, causing frustration to staff and users, and inconvenience to members. LCS’s systems don’t talk with each other. I have a feeling one speaks English and the other speaks Spanish. So that simple transactions take multiple entries into multiple systems. I can’t imagine the errors that are occurring every day, especially with a volunteer workforce.

When you go to some restaurants or Walmart, you get a detailed receipt after you’ve paid… from a cash register. Not at LCS. There, in the second decade of the 21st century, most transactions are done on paper. There are separate cash boxes for everything: newspapers, membership, library fines, tickets, etc.

I’m sure the members of the board of directors have heard of cash registers. Just think how easy it would make everything to put all the cash in a $US50 cash register and, just like Walmart, itemize each transaction when entered. Then staff could run a report at the end of the day that tells them how much was sold in each category. Maybe they could spring for a slightly more expensive system that actually interfaces with their accounting system.

Ah, but, you can see the problem with that: the computer systems don’t talk with each other; how are they going to talk with a cash register? Especially when it’s probably built in Korea and speaks Korean!

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The Changes Snowbirds Never See

It’s May in Ajijic. Most of the snowbirds have left for the summer, and many full-timers are escaping the warm weather by visiting friends and family in more temperate climes.

The snowbirds don’t all arrive and leave at the same time. The influx starts in November and builds to a crescendo after Christmas. I remember my first year here, walking into Ajijic’s plaza. It was teaming with northerners, many holding street maps and trying to figure out where to go. The Mexican presence seemed to diminish.

Likewise, the snowbirds start leaving in small numbers at the end of February, peaking around April first. Some stay around until May or longer. While they’re here, just like any “resort” area they inject a healthy amount of money into the economy, and contribute to countless charities that help the locals year-round. They spur the advent of numerous theater productions, concerts, and entertainment from up north which makes life more interesting.

However, snowbirds also contribute to traffic problems, long waiting times at restaurants and supermarket lines, and over-crowded dance floors.

Last year, I travelled to Boston, to take care of some business in early May. I missed the changes that are now taking place in this area. When several thousand people leave a small town, you can see and feel the changes. There’s a more relaxed atmosphere that makes most of the things you do easier, except maybe if you have to deal with the government bureaucracy. That never changes.

My feelings are mixed about the snowbird exodus from the Lakeside area. On the one hand, I enjoy having fewer people around. There’s more time for, and in some ways it’s easier, to build friendships. On the other hand, I miss many of the people I befriended over the winter. In a way, it’s sad when they leave – even though you know you’ll see many of them again next winter.

Summer in Ajijic reminds me of a time, many years ago, when I lived three blocks from Harvard Square in Massachusetts. Every mid-May, the Boston area experiences a mass migration, as tens of thousands of college students and graduates leave town. Harvard Square, for a few months was left to the locals and the tourists. Life was easier. Then, in mid-August, just like the swallows returning to Ajijic, the area bulges with young people, and frenetic activity.

So, for the snowbirds that have already headed home, and have never experienced life in Ajijic at this time of year, I’ve compiled a list of the things that change when you’re gone.

  1. Everyone left here breathes a collective sigh of relief and looks forward to calmer summer months
  2. Some of your favorite restaurants go on vacation and close for extended periods of time.
  3. Sadly some of your favorite restaurants and businesses close their doors forever
  4. New restaurants and businesses open and eagerly await your return
  5. You don’t need a reservation, most of the time, at most restaurants
  6. You can actually dance at Adelita’s
  7. The swallows return, have their babies, make a mess, and leave
  8. Rainbirds (Cicadas) hatch and spend a month driving us crazy with their insanely eerie wailing (See my blog post from last year)
  9. It gets really hot in the afternoons (try 90+F)
  10. Dust from the dry streets is everywhere until rainy season starts
  11. There are a lot fewer traffic jams
  12. You can actually move at the Ajijic Wednesday Tianguis
  13. Starting in June, it rains a lot (mostly late afternoon or evening)
  14. The trees on the mountainsides turn green
  15. Calle Colon often becomes a rushing river when it rains
  16. You find out where all the leaks are in your house
  17. There are fewer fundraisers
  18. The Mexicans return to the plaza (not just the Guadalajan’s on the weekend)
  19. Come about September, we look forward to your return, and the fun and craziness you bring.

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Small Town – Small Minds: Epilogue

OMG! Everybody’s talking about my article.

About a month ago, a local magazine called Ojo del Lago, published one of my blog posts, “Small Town – Small Minds –Being Single at Lakeside” in its April issue (page 18). Since then, the reaction I’ve received is worth sharing.

I first read the post at a meeting of the Ajijic Writers Group. As I read it, I could hear chuckles and an occasional laugh. When I finished, the group clapped and numerous people gave me a thumbs. One person commented that I had “nailed” it…It being the state of senior dating in our small community. That wasn’t the only time I was told that I had “nailed” it. A married member of the group told me that the rumor situation is no different for married couples.

The editor of the magazine and one of the founders of the Writers Group, Alex Grattan, asked me if he could publish it. I agreed, but had some reservations. The post was personal, and I knew it would hit a nerve with Ojo’s audience. It did. As I learned later, I had described a common feeling among many of the singles at Lakeside.

A few days before the print version was published the online version  of the magazine went live. On April 3, I posted the story to my blog. Simultaneously, and unbeknownst to me, someone linked to another of my blog posts, “25 Reasons Not to Retire to Lake Chapala,” on the Facebook page of a group called Focus on Mexico. That group promotes moving to the Lake Chapala area, and runs informative “discovery” group tours.

It seems as though, the Facebook post got shared quite a bit, giving more exposure to this blog and the “Small Towns” blog post.” In fact that Facebook post resulted in the most views this blog has received in one day – 486 viewers and 692 page views! Over a four-day period, this blog had more than 1200 page views. A big THANK YOU goes out to whoever posted the link on Facebook.

The article has caused a bit of a stir in this sleepy town. It was viewed almost 900 times on Ojo’s website. It’s been the subject of many conversations in the plaza. Someone came up to me and said, “You had to have big cajones to write that.” I replied that it didn’t take any cajones to write the post, but I knew I was taking a chance in letting it be published in Ojo. This is a small town, after all.

I’ve had strangers walk up to me on the street and ask, “Are you the guy who wrote that article on being single?” Not sure whether I should put up my guard, the reaction was invariably something like: “You nailed it!”

Here’s a few of the comments I’ve received:

“Thank you for writing the article.”

“Someone needed to say that.”

“I’ve felt that it was me you were describing.”

However, not everyone was a cheerleader. One online commenter completely missed the point of the article, and made assumptions about my emotional fragility and sex life, and thought I was paranoid and should see a therapist. The article was an observation of behavior of many people here at Lakeside. It was meant to expose and poke fun at the busy-bodies here. I decided to write it after multiple instances of discovering I had been the subject of baseless rumors. There’s no paranoia involved. I don’t look over my shoulder and stay up wondering about who’s talking about me, and I clearly state that I don’t care what they say.

For the single people here, the article struck close to home. A lot of people have been “victims” of the whispering busy-bodies, and have felt their nosy eyes upon them – trying to judge. While I still claim, the rumor mills make it difficult for some insecure people to date, the overwhelming majority of people told me that they don’t care; that they just ignore the watching eyes.

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“Moving On”

When I first came to Lakeside from Massachusetts, one of the things I noticed was how many people from South Dakota seemed to be living here. There were South Dakota license plates everywhere.

Even my neighbor had them. When I met him, I said, “I see you’re from South Dakota? Seems like there are a lot of you guys down here.”

To which he grinned and laughed, “No, I’m from Minnesota,” he replied.

Now, Minnesota is right next door to South Dakota, so I inquired further. “So, what’s the story with all the South Dakota plates here,” I asked.

The reason, in most circumstances, is enlightened self-interest.

Many, when they move here, want to cut expenses. They drive their car down from the states. But, many states make it expensive to keep their cars here and maintain their plates. Knowing that the Mexicans are pretty lax about expired U.S. plates, people will often drive around for years with expired U.S. plates. I’m not sure what they do for insurance, if anything. The biggest scofflaw I’ve seen is the owner of an old junker with 1993 Connecticut plates.

When I brought my car down here in October (see my “Road Trip” series of blogs starting in October 2015), my Massachusetts plates were still attached to it. Over the next few months, I’d look, with envy, on every car with South Dakota plates. Every month I’d see the debit on my bank statement for auto insurance, and then my annual excise tax bill arrived, and I’d need to shell out $40 to have my car inspected every year. I was paying almost $700 a year for the privilege of having those Mass. plates. That’s one month’s rent plus utilities!

You see, to keep those Mass. plates, you have to keep minimum insurance coverage on your car or lose the plates. If your car is not on the road, I can’t see any good reason to keep insurance on it. Maybe, the banks want to protect their collateral, but more likely, it’s an insurance scam. I wonder how many insurance company lobbyists it took and how much in political contributions (bribes?) to get that little piece of legislation passed. It happens all of the time in Massachusetts!

Snowbirds who store their cars over the winter reduce their coverage while they are away to reduce their costs. In Massachusetts, even minimum insurance coverage can be pricey, especially in a “high risk” area. But I don’t need Mass. insurance here, because they wouldn’t cover my car here anyway. I pay a little more than US$300 in Mexico for full auto insurance coverage – half of what minimum coverage costs back home. So, why pay for insurance I don’t need?

There’s one county in South Dakota, Clay County, that will register your car that’s garaged in Mexico. It can save a lot of money. You are not required to maintain auto insurance, get your car inspected, or pay an annual excise tax.

I recently made the “move” from Massachusetts to South Dakota. The process was simple. The clerk at the Clay County Treasurer’s Office helped me fill out the necessary form and told me how much registration would cost – all over the phone. After they received the required documents by mail, my new plates and registration were in the mail the same day.

When they arrived, I cancelled my Mass plates and registration, and am waiting for a rebate from the insurance company.

So, I guess I’m doing my part to pay for the roads, schools and the friendly people in the Treasurer’s office in Clay County. And, why not?  I wouldn’t want to live there, but the good people of Clay County are making my life better here.

Gringo Gripes

My 6th grade teacher, Mr. Motz, had me pegged early. I was the kind of student teachers loved to hate.

“You’re a chronic complainer,” he complained, in frustration, as I posed a trying question.

That trait followed me throughout much of my life. It’s no wonder that one of my favorite non-fiction writers is Bill Bryson, some of whose witty observations I’ve interpreted as chronic complaining. So I feel that I’m eminently qualified to comment on those who “doth protest too much.”

However, since I’ve moved here, I’m learning to stop complaining – a recovering chronic complainer, so to speak. So it’s ironic that, in this blog post, I’m complaining about complainers.

I live in a beautiful place in Mexico with beautiful weather among beautiful people. Bright blue skies reflect off the largest lake in Mexico. Verdant hillsides and mountains rim its shores. Sunsets turn the skies into brilliant colors that make way for incredible star-filled nights. The cost of living here is a fraction of the cost in the U.S. and Canada. Many Gringos live a lifestyle they could only dream about up north.

So what’s the problem, folks?

It seems even this idyllic setting can’t deter the “nabobs of negativity,” to quote a former vice president. They are the chronic complainers for whom nothing will make them happy; the people for whom the glass is always half-empty.

I’ve discovered in my ripe old age that it’s fruitless to complain about things you can’t change, and that we need to sift through a lot of noise in our lives to understand what’s really important.

When people decide to move to Mexico, it might be prudent if they understand that Mexico is different than the U.S. and Canada, and Mexicans are culturally different from gringos. They should also understand that their expectations need to be adjusted. The concept of “mañana” is real in Mexico. And, not to be confused with the Castellano Spanish translation, in this part of Mexico, the word “ahorita” doesn’t mean “right now.” It means “whenever I get to it.”

Tradesman Troubles

Why Americans get upset when a Mexican tradesman shows up two hours late or maybe “manana” is beyond me. Have they forgotten about dealing with repairmen up north?

“Someone will be there between 8 am and noon,” is a common refrain one experiences from a customer service representative up north. Never mind that you need to be at work. Customer service is at the convenience of the provider, not the customer.

I have a friend who moved back up north, bought a house, needed to make some renovations, and had horrendous problems dealing with one of the largest home improvement chains:

  • workmen that didn’t show up;
  • substitution, without notifying the customer, for parts specified in the contract;
  • sloppy work that needed to be re-done;
  • estimates and work orders written without checking for required building code modifications.

These problems sound strikingly similar to the typical gringo complaints about repairs and construction down here.

And if the gringo is building a house, forget it! The complaints of delays are endless. The house was promised at the end of June, and the owners are still waiting to take possession…in December. Week after week the Jalisco concept of “ahorita’ becomes all too real as excuses from the contactor pile up and deposits made in good faith disappear.

Wait a minute!

After listening to my gringo friends complaining about their architects, contractors, and sub-contractors, I begin to realize why all those Mexicans head north to the U.S…

They’re learning how to become tradesmen and building contractors!

Enduring the Mexican Dining Experience

Then there are the restaurant complainers, unaccustomed to the leisurely Mexican dining experience…or unwilling to relax and get used to it. It’s not unusual to wait awhile before the waitress finishes texting her boyfriend, to not have water served without asking, to have everyone at the table served on a different day of the week, and when you’re served to not have silverware to eat it with, to wait hours to get your check, and hours to get the change.

For gringo grannies, the frustration can be overwhelming. Their 9 o’clock bedtime is rapidly approaching, and driving at night can be tricky.

Hey, I’m in Mexico, in a beautiful place with beautiful weather among beautiful people. Relax. Rest assured, at the end of the evening you’ll go home sated – better fed than some of the children a few doors down the street.

I have a good friend who brings a gringo attitude with him every time he goes out to eat. I get a distinct feeling that the servers see him coming and pray that he doesn’t sit at one of their tables. Is that the way we want our Mexican hosts to see us?

Yes, we can get frustrated, annoyed, pissed off, and even angry as we observe our hosts doing things in ways we wouldn’t (but often do) tolerate up north.

If you want a U.S. or Canadian dining experience, go back up north. Or just shut up, sit back and marvel that things work as well as they do. The children of the gardeners and maids who tend your houses for $US3.00 an hour would probably wait all day to get a meal similar to the one you’re complaining about.

I’ve always thought about what the Mexicans think about many of the gringo gripers who’ve invaded their community. The Mexican people here are amazingly patient, welcoming, and outwardly uncomplaining. I’m sure the servers, maids, gardeners, and tradesmen take home a million gripes about your interactions with them. And I’m sure that the stories told in the Mexican bars are priceless.

But you’ll never hear them.

So why not just…quitcherbitchin’.

Small Town – Small Minds: Being Single at Lakeside

Sometimes I feel like I’m back in high school.

I’m pretty much retired, and traded-in life in a large metropolitan area for life in an area of Mexico where thousands of retired expats have made their homes. It’s a small town. Rumors, the business of small towns, run rampant.

It’s a town where too many retired busy-bodies have too much time on their hands. They’ve exchanged the water cooler for long lunches where they can make small talk and conjure the latest “have-you-heard” stories.

Many of us here are single, and are often the subjects of nasty rumors and undeserved insinuations.

I like to go out in the evening and dance. I have lots of female friends, with whom I like to talk. Every once in a while, I even have a date where we go for dinner. So, people often see me with different women or at places where some of us single retirees hang-out.

It seems that being seen with different women is a cause for concern among the chatterers. Likewise, women who are seen with different men or go alone to places where single men hang out, are also the subject of rumor mongerers – male and female.

And when a couple is seen together more than two times, it’s often assumed that they’re – say it’s not so – sleeping together.

Maybe some of us scandalous singles are actually looking for a relationship whether it be companionship or sexual or both. Some of us might be considered serial daters.

Those of us who have been married before remember what it was like before we got married. We’re reminded how difficult it was to find the right person – how many dates we churned through before we settled down. So how, I might ask, are we to find a relationship if we don’t date?

In my short tenure in this small community, I’ve been the subject of rumors that I didn’t know were being passed around started by people I don’t know. Occasionally I meet someone who tells me, “I’ve heard about you. You date a lot of women,” to which I usually reply, “What do you know that I don’t?” And besides, what’s the big deal if I do?

I’ve heard rumors from female friends about other guys that aren’t true. Please tell me, for example, how a guy who hasn’t had a date for six months, and hasn’t slept with a woman for over a year can get a bad reputation?

As we all know, women also suffer from ugly rumors that small, idle, minds like to foster. In this town, the chatter usually takes the following forms:

  • She’s just looking for a guy with money
  • She’s sleeping with everyone in town
  • She likes young Mexican guys
  • She only hangs out with gay guys

Most people, including me, who become the subject of rumors just shrug them off. It does become annoying, however, when I meet someone new and interesting, and she immediately says “I’ve heard about you.” Or, after a first date, one of her friends, whom I’ve never met, has whispered in her ear about what a terrible person I am and she doesn’t want to go out again. Hmmm.

Now, I’ve talked with many single retirees here that have given up on dating and consequently sex. For them, there’s a store in town that caters to their sexual needs. Sex on-demand is available – no questions asked – as long as you have a supply of batteries or there’s no electrical outage. And many of the married among us have long ago retired to separate bedrooms. Maybe it’s just hormonal changes that come with getting older. Maybe it’s due to a lack of confidence because of erectile dysfunction or bodies that don’t look nice anymore when facing the mirror.

A psychologist friend who recently moved here remarked how sad it was that so many people looking for companionship and connection, at this time in their life, are afraid to act. We all want to be socially accepted. But the small-minded jerks, make it difficult for the insecure to be who they are and who they want to be.

Maybe the chatterers live their lives in bitter frustration. Maybe they’re just bored. And, maybe they’re just not nice people.

I guess if I want to meet a woman for coffee, have a glass of wine, or go out to dinner, the two of us will have to dodge the daggers. Maybe even ruin our reputations. And heaven forbid we should be seen together more than two times. They might accuse us of doing…what they did in the 1960s.

But there are some of us who are alive-and-kicking. And while we’re out having fun, the busy-bodies can go fuck themselves.

This isn’t high school anymore.

My 6 Favorite Posts and More

I’ve been writing this blog for a year. In the past year, I’ve posted 50 times. This post, my 51st, is taking a short break from my road trip series to share my favorites. I’ll re-commence my road trip on Tuesday.

First, I want to thank all the people who found my postings worthy enough to gain your “followship,” as well as all those who have left comments. I’m not the most timely responder, and will need to do a better job in the coming year. And, I appreciate any and everyone who has taken the time to stop by and read what I have to say.

There’s are some great posts buried in the archives, and If you are newcomer and are enjoying “Retired ‘n’ Single Blog,” you might never discover some of my favorites from ‘way back when. Here are the six I had the most fun writing (in no particular order):

Of Spiders, Dogs, and other Pets
Everybody who reads this post has a good chuckle before they’re finished. It prompted my ex-wife to comment that she thought I was losing my mind. Epilogue: Fred was so overtaken by his fame and loss of anonymity that he just left town one day never to be seen again.

Cat Woman
The Cat Woman is still up to her old tricks. Since it gets dark earlier, you can’t see her. But you can hear the sprinkle of Kitty Kibble as it lands on the roof, and a bevy of feasting felines scrambles for their dinner.

Up or Down?: Ruminating on Toilet Seats
Either you love this one or you hate it. Regardless, and despite risking alienation of the fairer sex, I had a good time writing it.

How to Launder Money
All in good fun! You can’t help but thinking what some spy at the IRS thought when the agency’s Web crawlers found this tongue-in-cheek “how-to” post.

25 Reasons Not to Retire to Lake Chapala
There are so many reasons why Lake Chapala is a great place to live. This blog post looks at 25 of them from the viewpoint of the glass being half-full. Bah humbug!

How I Survived the “Blizzard of 2015”
I had a lot of fun poking fun at the “hardships” up north in Boston. And this January storm was just the beginning! Reality struck home when I returned north 6 weeks later and reported my findings in “Changes in Latitudes…”

The blog post with the most views is a recent one, “Road Trip 1: Am I Crazy.” It was the first post after a long hiatus. I didn’t realize there was such a pent-up demand. I might have to take more long breaks to get my readership up!

It seems like a lot of people like when I post about food. Mexico is a very interesting place to discover amazing foods. If you’re adventurous, there are all sorts of tempting discoveries hidden in the shops, markets, and little restaurants here. As someone who likes to “play” in the kitchen, I’ve also shared some of my experiments, including recipes. Here are some food posts you might like:

⇒  Dinner from the Dredges of the Refrigerator (recipe included)
⇒  When the World Gives you Mushrooms (recipe included)
⇒  Beer and Tomato Juice
⇒  Feet, Ears, Skin – Tostadas Revisited
⇒  Wednesday Lunch – Tacos at The Tianguis (still my favorite Wednesday lunch)
⇒  Tostadas: Taming the Mess

Please let me know which of my posts were your favorites?

Puppies: Chick Magnet or Social Crutch

There’s something about a puppy. They’re cute. They’re cuddly. There’s something about a puppy that women love. They can’t resist running up to them, bending down and petting them.

“Can I hold it,” they implore.

The enterprising guy can see opportunity in this phenomenon. It answers the question that stumps so many Lake Chapala males: “How do you meet women around this place?”

Hey guys, the fastest way to meet a woman is to get a puppy! Simply put it on a leash, and go for a walk. It’s sort of like going fishing. The leash is the line and the puppy is the bait.

It doesn’t matter where you go. Cruise the Malecon. Mornings are puppy feeding time as women take their own dogs for a walk there. What better way to get a conversation started than to sport a four-legged friend?

Or maybe you just want to take your puppy out for a cup of java on the plaza. An endless stream of women will stop by to coo over man’s best friend. Try walking down Revolucion on a Wednesday. There are too many people to be able to walk your little one. It’ll get stepped on. Instead, put your bundle of joy in your arms with the rest of your bundles, and it’s sure to catch the eye of some eligible (and ineligible) honeys walking in the opposite direction.

There’s only one drawback to this strategy. It works so well, it might become a social crutch. Think about it, if you don’t meet Ms. Right in first several months, you might need a second puppy, and then a third.

I guarantee you’ll meet a lot of women, but if success eludes you, you might want look somewhere else for the reasons why. Try brushing your teeth, putting on deodorant, retiring that beat-up tee-shirt, and learning a few social niceties. After all, you’re a caring, sensitive, socially conscious person trying to help the (canine) homeless population…albeit with some bennies on the side. What woman wouldn’t love you if you cleaned up your act?

Dulce2You know, there are scores of dogs awaiting adoption at Lakeside with fresh litters being born every day. This puppy preoccupation gave me an idea for the perfect fundraiser for all the Lakeside animal shelters. And the timing couldn’t be better. Hundreds of single guys and gals are about to descend on Lakeside to escape the northern winter…and possibly find companionship of the two and four legged varieties.

Why not Rent-a Puppy? For a tidy sum, you could almost guarantee a guy he’ll meet women. Why not include a handy guide: The 10 best places to attract women with your “chick magnet.”

Who knows? The guy might score a two-fer: A new girl friend, and…if he becomes attached to the bait, a new puppy. And the animal shelter will also score a two-fer: a rental fee, and an adoption fee.

Wow! What a way to make so many people happy.

So…go hug a puppy today…and if the person at the other end of the leash is half as cute as his four-legged companion, show him you appreciate what a big heart he has and how supportive he is of animal rescue, and give him a BIG hug too!